Hi Stephen
Have a look at the projects page I’ve put a project on this site already tested that will do this for you all code pcb layouts included
You might need to change the input to your relay for your switching that’s about it hex code is there as I said the whole project plus flow chart diagrams showing how it operates
http://www.eeweb.com/project/mark_harrington/single-pic-micro-single-shot-bi-stable-relayFor a programmer you want a pick kit 2 or 3 available from ebay or go to digi key, Rs components Farnel or similar
That should solve your problems simply obtain mplabsX IDE www.microchip.com Free
Enable your programmer and select com port via the ide
Set the ide for your chip via the settings tab top of ide
In other words select your chip example 12f xxx
Read the chip
*NB !!* Dont forget to do this first
Make a note of the value at address 0x3FF This is important as it contains a calibration value for the local internal RC oscillator
Dont be tempted to wipe the chip unless you have done the above other wise its recalibration time NOT DIFFICULT but also NOT EASY !!
Import your hex file, example from the main menu its File, Import and browse to where hex file is located , Click open or Ok
Blow the chip
Should work a ok
If not, ask, I blow a chip for you and send it to you via post inclusive PCB
Any doubts what so ever contact me and Ill see what i can do to help