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10 Popular Jokes About Engineers

bestler 28866 36
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  • 10 Popular Jokes About Engineers
    10 jokes only an engineer can understand Who said engineers don't have a sense of humor?







    1. Ordinary people think that if something is working properly you don't have to touch it. Engineers believe that if something works correctly, it means that there is still some work to be done on it :)

    2. For the average optimist, the glass is half full. For an ordinary pessimist, the same glass is half empty. For a normal engineer, the glass is twice as big :)

    3. A priest, a doctor and an engineer wait for another group to finish golf.
    - The engineer asked, "What about these guys ?! Why do we have to wait so long for them ?!"
    - The doctor added: "I don't know about them, but I have never seen a game of golf so inept!"
    - The priest asked the court guardian for an explanation and asked: What is happening with these people in front of us? They play quite inept, don't they?
    - The guardian said: "It's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their eyesight while putting out our club fire last year. We let them play for free whenever they want.
    There was a moment of reflection and then the priest said:
    - "It is very sad, tonight I will say a special prayer for them"
    - The doctor added: "I will contact an ophthalmologist friend, maybe they will be able to help somehow?"
    - After a while the engineer added: "Couldn't they play at night?" :)



    4. What is the difference between a mechatronics engineer and a civil engineer? The first designs weapons and the second designs targets :)

    5. The analyst will ask: - Why is it working?
    The engineer will ask: - How does it work?
    The accountant will ask: - How much does it cost?
    The artist will ask: - Do you want fries with it? :)

    6. Three people are discussing who designed the human body.
    The first person said it was definitely a mechanic "just look at all those joints and arms."
    The second person said it had to be an electronics engineer: "the nervous system is based on current and signals"
    The third interlocutor suggested that it must have been a civil engineer: "who else could run the sewage system in such a clever way?" :)

    7. Two engineering students were walking around the college campus when one asked:
    - where did you get such a nice bike?
    - and you know, I was walking here yesterday, thinking about my life and suddenly such a long-legged blonde appeared on this bike, suddenly threw this bike, took off all her clothes and said: "take what you want!"
    - a good choice! clothes would not fit you anyway ... :)

    8. One day the engineer met a frog on his way, which said to him:
    - if you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess.
    The engineer looked at the frog, leaned over, picked it up and put it in his pocket. The frog began to scream loudly:
    - if you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for a week and I will do whatever you want with you!
    The engineer smiled and slipped the frog back into his pocket. At this, the frog asked:
    - what happened? why you don't want to kiss me, after all I'm a beautiful princess and I promised you everything you want?
    - listen, frog! I am an engineer! I don't have time for girls, but I really like the talking frog :)

    9. The wife asks the engineer husband to go to the store:
    - buy milk and if they have eggs take six.
    The husband returns with six cartons of milk, the wife stares in disbelief and her husband says:
    - they had balls ... :)

    The engineer died and went to Hell. He was quickly disturbed by the low standard of living in Hell and began to design and build improvements. After a while they had air conditioning, flush toilets and an escalator, and the engineer became a very popular guy.
    One day, God calls Satan and asks mockingly:
    - How's it going downstairs?
    - Great, we have an air-conditioning system, flush restrooms, escalators, and no one knows what the engineer will come out with. Satan replied.
    - What?!? Do you have an engineer?!? It's a mistake, it should never come down, send it to us.
    - Forget it. I like the engineer on the crew. I stop him.
    - Send him upstairs or I'll sue you!
    Satan laughed mockingly:
    - Yaa, of course. Where are you gonna get lawyers?

    source: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/10-jokes-only-...rs-understand-who-says-dont-have-joshua-gohil

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    About Author
    bestler
    Admin of DIY, Automation
    Offline 
    bestler wrote 5194 posts with rating 708, helped 254 times. Live in city Siedlce. Been with us since 2002 year.
  • #2
    TechEkspert
    Editor
    bestler wrote:
    2. For the average optimist, the glass is half full. For an ordinary pessimist, the same glass is half empty. For a normal engineer, the glass is twice as big :)


    For me, the liquid level in this glass dropped by 6dB ;)

    1st biscuit of the week:
    There are 10 kinds of people:
    -people who know binary code
    -people who do not know binary code
    :)
  • #3
    mychaj
    Level 33  
    I also have such a biscuit:
    They had students of engineering and medicine crammed into 10 A4 pages:
    doctor: when?
    engineer: what for?
  • #4
    hektor15
    Level 1  
    TechEkspert wrote:
    bestler wrote:
    2. For the average optimist, the glass is half full. For an ordinary pessimist, the same glass is half empty. For a normal engineer, the glass is twice as big :)


    For me, the liquid level in this glass dropped by 6dB ;)

    1st biscuit of the week:
    There are 10 kinds of people:
    -people who know binary code
    -people who do not know binary code
    :)


    There are definitely 10 kinds of people in the world
    01. People who know binary code
    02. People who don't know binary code
    10. People who know the xD triple code
  • #5
    kortyleski
    Level 43  
    Binary logic is / is not there. Yes No.
    Trojan logic is the logic of an engineer with a company experience. Yes / no / I don't know
  • #6
    jack63
    Level 43  
    This is called fuzzy logic. It becomes even more blurry when the engineer completes the sales course. Then he will answer: I don't know, but you will surely be satisfied.
  • #7
    bestler
    Admin of DIY, Automation
    I also found such a translation ... from engineering to ours :)

    How to interpret phrases in scientific works.

    It is recognized that ... - I accept that.

    ... correct to the order of magnitude ... - ... badly.

    It has long been known that ... - I did not want to look for source work.

    Careful analysis of the obtained results .. . - Three pages of notes blurred as I knocked over my beer glass.

    Typical results are shown - These are the best results

    I would like to thank Mr. Nowak for his help in experimental work, and Dr. Kowalski for valuable discussions - Nowak did a black job and Kowalski explained to me what the results meant

    ... of great theoretical and practical importance - ... it interests me

    This article is expected to stimulate interest in this field - This article is lousy, but the others in this area are similar

    ... there is a clear trend ... - ... it's hard to draw meaningful conclusions.

    It has not yet been possible to find a definitive answer to these questions
    - The experiment failed, but the final results may be published someday

    Three of the datasets were selected for detailed analysis - ... the others were not suitable

    Maliniak received the most accurate results - Maliniak is my assistant.

    It is clear that a lot of further work needs to be done before a complete answer is possible - I don't understand any of this

    ... a very important field of cutting-edge research - ... useless topic suggested by superiors
  • #8
    matej1410
    Level 25  
    One unemployed engineer, unable to find employment for a long time, decided to change his profession and set up his own clinic. On the building he hung a sign with the words "We will cure your ailment for PLN 500, otherwise we will give you PLN 1000". The doctor passing by decided to use it and earn some money.
    - Hello, I don't know what happened, I lost my taste ...
    - Sister, please bring box 22, it has syrup in it. Please give it to the patient.
    - Okay. Please open your mouth...
    - Yuck ... it's gasoline!
    - Congratulations, you've regained your taste, PLN 500.
    The furious doctor paid. After a few days, he returned to the clinic:
    - Hello, I lost my memory, help me get it back ...
    - Sister, please bring box 22, it has syrup in it. Please give it to the patient.
    - Okay, I'm giving ...
    - But there's gasoline there!
    - Congratulations, you regained your memory, PLN 500.
    Even more nervous, the doctor paid, but after a few more days he decided to bite again:
    - Good morning, I lost my eyesight, please help me ...
    - Sorry, we don't have a cure for this. Please, here is your 1000 zlotys.
    - But there is only PLN 500 here ...
    - Congratulations, you have regained your sight, 500 zlotys are due.
  • #9
    OldSkull
    Level 28  
    matej1410 wrote:
    Even more nervous, the doctor paid, but after a few more days he decided to bite again:
    - Good morning, I lost my eyesight, please help me ...
    - Sorry, we don't have a cure for this. Please, here is your 1000 zlotys.
    - But there is only PLN 500 here ...
    - Congratulations, you have regained your sight, 500 zlotys are due.

    It would be more fitting:

    - Good morning, I lost my eyesight, please help me ...
    - I understand, I will give you a medicine - while saying this, he takes out syrup No. 22
    The doctor stiffens, but in order not to lose, he drinks with a grimace.
    - Did not help!
    "I'm sorry, then we don't have a cure for it." Please, here is your 1000 zlotys.
    - But there is only PLN 500 here ...
    - Congratulations, you have regained your sight, 500 zlotys are due

    ;)
  • #10
    kemot55
    Level 31  
    What a colleague wrote bestler is a bull's-eye. I would add:
    This is a fantastic scientific solution could be be used in many branches of the economy -> is useless except for whipping at conferences.
    After such a text, I can immediately give the author's academic title.
    And the second (real engineer's statement :-) admittedly "trader"):
    "The software for communicating with the PLC is so great and so great that you shouldn't connect it to any controller" -> terrible crap, but I have to sell it.
  • #11
    CMS
    Administrator of HydePark
    matej1410 wrote:
    One unemployed engineer, unable to find employment for a long time, decided to change his profession and set up his own clinic. On the building he hung a sign with the words "We will cure your ailment for PLN 500, otherwise we will give you PLN 1000". The doctor passing by decided to use it and earn some money.
    - Hello, I don't know what happened, I lost my taste ...
    - Sister, please bring box 22, it has syrup in it. Please give it to the patient.
    - Okay. Please open your mouth...
    - Yuck ... it's gasoline!
    - Congratulations, you've regained your taste, PLN 500.
    The furious doctor paid. After a few days, he returned to the clinic:
    - Hello, I lost my memory, help me get it back ...
    - Sister, please bring box 22, it has syrup in it. Please give it to the patient.
    - Okay, I'm giving ...
    - But there's gasoline there!
    - Congratulations, you regained your memory, PLN 500.
    Even more nervous, the doctor paid, but after a few more days he decided to bite again:
    - Good morning, I lost my eyesight, please help me ...
    - Sorry, we don't have a cure for this. Please, here is your 1000 zlotys.
    - But there is only PLN 500 here ...
    - Congratulations, you have regained your sight, 500 zlotys are due.



    Hahaha, good, I have to remember.
  • #12
    robig
    Level 21  
    A classic that will also suit engineers.

    One math professor has a broken radiator. He didn't know how
    to fix, so called a plumber. This moment he tapped, tapped and fixed.
    But when the professor found out how much he had to pay, his face fell.
    - Master foreman. Why does it cost so much?
    - It's a lot?
    - That's half my salary!
    - Where do you work?
    - I am a researcher in the department of mathematics.
    - Lord, come to us! A weekly course and you fix the radiators!
    Just don't admit your education. You ended up in 7th grade and nothing
    more. They only accept such people with us.
    The professor went to the course and started working. After a year, the management ordered
    raising qualifications and everyone had to finish elementary school.
    In the first math lesson, the professor was called to the blackboard ...
    He was told to write a formula for the area of the circle, but he forgot it out of spite.
    So it outputs: the first array, the second array is written and it exits:
    P = - pi * r2.
    But he knew well that the field cannot be negative!
    He erased everything, wrote down two tables again, and the same result!
    He moves away from the blackboard, and soft whispers from colleagues can be heard from the room:
    - Change the limits of integration ... !!!
  • #13
    bestler
    Admin of DIY, Automation
    Comparison of one day of a medical school student (future doctor) and a polytechnic student (future engineer :)

    18:00
    AM: The beginning of the last class of the day.
    PL: The beginning of the first box of beer.

    20:00
    AM: I'm going back to the station by tram.
    PL: In the "natural" state, I am cycling for another box of beer, even though it is snowing and cold.

    21:00
    AM: I drink my first coffee this evening.
    PL: For the first time this evening I go to the sobering-up center.

    10:00 p.m.
    AM: I'm starting my first 1000-page book tonight.
    PL: I am starting my escape from the sobering-up center for the first time that night.

    23:30
    AM: I still read.
    PL: I'm still running away.

    24:00
    AM: Exhausted by the book, I reach for an 800-page script.
    PL: Exhausted by running, I jump into the river and swim away.

    2:00 am
    AM: I read my buddies funny sentences from the book.
    PL: I tell my friends what it feels like to get a stun gun.

    3:00 am
    AM: Due to the lack of books, I reach for the Panorama Firm and the Telephone Book.
    PL: Due to the lack of energy drinks to stimulate my imagination, I go on a bicycle trip to the nearest night supermarket.

    4:00
    AM: My buddies also read PF and KT (I can't understand any of them)
    PL: My buddies still drink and talk, I just drink ...

    4:30 am
    AM: I drink, I don't know which coffee.
    PL: I don't know where I'm going.

    4:45
    AM: Together with my friends, we organize a "1 out of 10" competition on the knowledge about the Panorama of Companies.
    AŚ: We are organizing a competition "who is faster with a trolley around the supermarket".

    5:15
    AM: I won again! Loaf and Traczyk did not say a word ...
    PL: I won again! Piast and Żywiec got stuck in a snowdrift!

    6:00 am
    AM: I'm exhausted, I will never learn that long again.
    PL: I'm exhausted, I explain to the "STOP" sign that I will never drink again.

    6: 15-7: 30
    AM: I sleep in my clothes - it's a shame to download for such a short time.
    PL: I sleep with two buddies in a bathtub that is drifting in the park's waters.

    7:30 am
    AM: Oh, it's already 7:30? I OVERSLEPT!
    PL: Oh! Guys, is this the Baltic Sea? What year is it?

    7:45
    AM: I'm going to wash ... Where's the bathtub? And this food from PL?
    PL: Man, today is Thursday. A day of bathing for the Medic ...

    7:50
    AM: ... drank Domestos again ...
    PL: ... but heartburn ... it's probably after this liqueur ...

    8:00 am
    AM: When I run to the university, I see three tramps in the bathtub. I think - "what is this life ..."
    PL: Yesterday I saw white mice and today ghosts in white coats. It's time to go home...

    9:00 am
    AM: I need to sleep, I'm going for a coffee.
    PL: I want to sleep, I'm going to sleep.

    12:00
    AM: I fall over from fatigue.
    PL: I roll over to the second bacon.

    1:00 p.m.
    AM: Too hard seats in these rooms
    PL: My mother bought me a soft pillow ...

    15:00
    AM: I forgot to eat again.
    PL: I forgot to go to class again.

    15:05
    AM: Too bad, I'll have a cup of coffee.
    PL: Too bad, I'll make a photocopy.

    16: 00-17: 30
    AM: I watch the preparations and write down the lectures
    PL: I watch TV and play Tekken

    18:00
    AM: I'm barely alive, I want to go home!
    PL: But I have a hangover! I want to see my mother!

    20:15
    AM: Hi, Dummy! But I've had a hard day ...
    PL: Hello, Medic! You probably don't know what a hard day means ...
  • #14
    speedy9
    Helpful for users
    Maybe not about engineers, but about an expert, quite close ;)
  • #15
    E8600
    Level 39  
    Groups of engineers and computer scientists rode the train to the conference. Each of the engineers had their own ticket, and the IT group only had one ticket for all. Engineers laughed and joked about computer scientists. Suddenly, one of the computer scientists says:
    - Here comes the conductor! - and everyone went to the toilet.
    The engineers were intrigued.
    The conductor walked in and says:
    "Tickets, please," and he validated all the engineers' tickets.
    Then he went to the toilet, knocked on the door and says:
    - Ticket please - then the IT staff pushed the ticket in front of the door.
    The conductor validated the ticket and left, and the IT staff came out of the restroom a few moments later. The engineers felt really stupid.
    On the way back from the conference, the engineers bought themselves one ticket. They started making fun of IT specialists who didn't have a single ticket for the entire group.
    Suddenly one of the engineers says:
    - The conductor is coming! All the computer scientists went to the toilet and the engineers to the other.
    Before the conductor showed up, one of the IT specialists left, walked to the door of the second toilet, knocked on the door, and said:
    - A ticket, please.

    The engineer, physicist and mathematician were given the same amount of fence mesh and the command to surround as much area as possible with it. The engineer fenced off the square-shaped area. The physicist, as a little more intelligent person, surrounded the area in the shape of a perfect circle and concluded that it could not be better. The mathematician, on the other hand, erected the fence haphazardly, then went inside and declared:
    - I'm outside.
  • #16
    Tomekob
    Level 15  
    I just read these jokes and ... and I'm proud to be an engineer :-)
  • #17
    User removed account
    User removed account  
  • #18
    bestler
    Admin of DIY, Automation
    By the way, when I used to work in a large corporation in various positions, I felt like the poor Anderson from the movie many times. failure ;)
  • #19
    kemot55
    Level 31  
    Quote:
    By the way, when I used to work in a large corporation in various positions, I often felt like the poor Anderson from the movie


    Probably not only you :-)
    I don't work for a large corporation, but when talking to clients I feel like this several times a week.
    Final message for 10 points -> "NEVER TELL ANYONE THAT YOU CAN'T GIVE UP"
  • #20
    Strumien swiadomosci swia
    Level 43  
    kemot55 wrote:
    Final message for 10 points -> "NEVER TELL ANYONE THAT YOU CAN'T GIVE UP"


    And it is so, the only determinant is the multitude of human and financial resources involved.
  • #21
    kemot55
    Level 31  
    Not necessarily. In this video you can see that both the boss and the manager are idiots (not to mention the clients (s). The end result is important (preferably with a lot of money for them). Therefore, if the engineer thinks, he will overcome the problem, not necessarily in a way imposed by boss - ignorant and he will not even notice it Life itself :-)
    Of course, a large part of the ideas of the "mountain" is so absurd that often hands drop and then only the cost estimate cools the enthusiasm.
  • #22
    jack63
    Level 43  
    Someone has long said that the higher the position, the higher the level of INCOMPETENCY.
    The fact that we are ruled by idiots is obvious. Simply put, power is like the majority of society.
  • #23
    speedy9
    Helpful for users
    kemot55 wrote:
    Not necessarily. In this video you can see that both the boss and the manager are idiots (not to mention the clients (s). The end result is important (preferably with a lot of money for them). Therefore, if the engineer thinks, he will overcome the problem, not necessarily in a way imposed by boss - ignorant and he will not even notice it Life itself :-)
    Of course, a large part of the ideas of the "mountain" is so absurd that often hands drop and then only the cost estimate cools the enthusiasm.

    And this is the course of action beautifully shown in the picture:
    10 Popular Jokes About Engineers
  • #24
    a_noob
    Level 23  
    kemot55 wrote:
    Life itself
    Of course, a large part of the ideas of the "mountain" is so absurd that often hands drop and then only the cost estimate cools the enthusiasm.

    jack63 wrote:
    Someone has long said that the higher the position, the higher the level of INCOMPETENCY.
    The fact that we are ruled by idiots is obvious.


    Whenever I hear or read such comments, it makes me wonder why these people will not take matters into their own hands, but only whine "upstairs". Of course, not turning to the "mountain", but only to other people who will nod to them ... Don't waste your time and energy complaining, use these resources for something useful and important for you.
  • #25
    kemot55
    Level 31  
    Quote:
    Of course, not turning to the "top"

    What am I supposed to make a fool realize that he is a fool? :-) - For what? Let him live in joyful ignorance. You can milk one like that at most.

    A wise boss knows that his job is to lead the team and knows that he is a piece of the team and knows what his competences are (and he does not exceed them).
    The same goes for the engineer.

    I have long since freed myself from the gang of "managers" who stick their nose in their affairs and have no idea about it.

    But how is an ambitious, talented graduate of technical studies to develop when he meets such idiots (as in the movie)? At the start, he can only take toilet paper.
  • #27
    mychaj
    Level 33  
    So it's true:
    Everyone claims that it is impossible so someone who does not know that it is impossible comes and does it.
  • #28
    rellikoidaR
    Level 11  
    THEORY - Everyone knows how to work and nothing works.
    PRACTICE - everything works and no one knows why it works.
  • #29
    jack63
    Level 43  
    The bow tie is coming spring fits just as well ...
  • #30
    bestler
    Admin of DIY, Automation
    This is maybe some kind of a joke?