10 Popular Jokes About Engineers

Not necessarily an engineer, an elderly wife sends her old husband with memory lapses to the store and says:
-Buy bread and butter. Just do not forget. Remember the old sclerotic 2 things, bread and butter, 2 things! Of course?
-Of course
The peasant went, bought a beer for good morning, drank it, talked, and after an hour he comes back and carries a bucket of paint.
Wife screams:
-You old sclerotic! After all, I told you so that you would remember better - 2 things! And the brush where?

The man flying in the balloon realized suddenly that he was lost. He measured the height of the flight and saw a woman below. He descended even lower and shouted to her:
- Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend that I would reach him in an hour, but I don't know where I am anymore.
The woman replied:
- You are in a balloon filled with hot air, hovering around the ground. You are between forty and forty-first degrees north latitude, and between fifty-nine and sixty degrees west longitude.
- Are you an engineer? Said the man from the balloon.
- Yes - replied the woman - and how do you know?
"Well," said the balloonist, "everything you said is factually and professionally true, but I still have no idea what to do with all this information, and the facts are that I am lost." Honestly, you didn't help me at all, and basically, even because of you I'm even late.
- And you are definitely the director of the department! the woman replied.
- Incredible. I am actually a department director. How do you know?
Well, you don't know where you are. You don't know where you're headed. You have achieved this position by using a lot of air, you have made a promise that you cannot keep. You expect the people below to solve your problems for you. Otherwise,
the facts are that you are still in exactly the same situation that you moved yourself into, but you think it's my fault ...


Russia. An engineer concerned about the small iron supplies goes to the border with Europe, and there the railroad tracks. He looks, he liked it. So he goes to Cara:
- They have railroads in Europe! This is a luxury! Well, but at the border with us, the tracks are broken! Maybe we would also make such tracks? - says the engineer.
- Okay, make a railroad if you think so. the Tsar replied.
- What should I do? Wider? Or maybe the same? the engineer asked.
- And the fucking wider !?
Well, as the Tsar said, the engineer made tracks fifteen centimeters wider than in Europe.

Engineers: mechanic, chemist and computer scientist are driving in one car. Suddenly, the engine hisses, hums, the engine cuts out, the car stops.
"It's the engine thing," the mechanic says.
- I think the fuel is of poor quality - says the chemist.
- Let's get off and get in, maybe it will help - says the computer scientist.

rellikoidaR wrote:

THEORY-everyone knows how to work and nothing works.
PRACTICE - everything works and no one knows what it works for.

I know otherwise.

THEORY - is when we know everything and nothing works.
PRACTICE - is when everything works, but no one knows why.
IN THIS ROOM, WE COMBINE THEORY AND PRACTICE - nothing works and nobody knows why.

bestler wrote:

This is maybe some kind of a joke?

And this in post # 28 is a joke?
Well, unless it was abstract, as in the past, sentences without logical sense were defined. E.g.
There are two engineering trams. One is green and the other is turning right.

jack63 wrote:

Well, unless it was abstract, as in the past, sentences without logical sense were defined. E.g.
There are two engineering trams. One is green and the other is turning right.

Abstract jokes can also be fun.
Oh, for example, immortal:
Is the crocodile longer or greener?
Greener, of course. Because it is only long from the face to the tail, and also green on the sides

A computer scientist comes to the doctor and says:
- Doctor, my liver is failing.
And the doctor said:
- Yes? Strange because I'm fine.